Marie Curie's Secret Diary

April 20, 1902
Today Pierre and I created radium chloride.  I guess that was pretty fun.  Pierre is pretty happy about it and maybe we'll get an award.  I would be OK with that.
April 21, 1902
I didn't do much this morning because I had the blahs.  But this afternoon, I synthesized pure radium from the radium chloride.  I had a feeling that might be possible because it's in the name, radium chloride.  And my hunch paid off.  I also made polonium, which is a whole different element, with a different name.  Weird.
April 22, 1902
Wow.  Just -- wow.  Radium is very pretty.  It's like a tiny blue star faintly twinkling in the palm of my hand.  I think it might be one of the most beautiful elements on Earth.  It's certainly one of the most delicious.
April 23, 1902
I cannot believe how much better my pierogis taste with a bit of radium!  Maybe it's not "authentic" but I don't care.  They were a huge hit at the potluck and all night I was showered with compliments and recipe requests.  But if I tell them my secret ingredient, you just know everyone will be refining pitchblende in their own kitchens.
April 24, 1902
omg!  i had a hunch that radium would give me energy and boy was i right!  i just had to crush it up and snort it with a pipette and suddenly i was just flying around the house!  i had no idea the fan blades were so dusty but not anymore!  i also decided i don't like capital letters and i am never using them AGAIN ok that one time but that's it
April 25, 1902
Pierre staged an intervention today.
He thinks radium may be addictive.
He says I should stop snorting it.
Fuck him.
April 26, 1902
Oh, Pierre, you were right!  It's so hard giving up nasal radium! Thank God I can wean myself from it slowly with these harmless radium patches.
April 27, 1902
Today the sun was very bright.  I held up my hand to shield my eyes, but I could see through it.
April 28, 1902
Ever have one of those days where you just sat and watched a peanut pass through your upper intestine?
April 19, 1902
Uh-oh.  It looks like I went backward in time.  I wonder how that happened.  You know what?  I'm going to have a chat with myself.  I'll give myself a good talking-to, ha ha!
April 20, 1902
In retrospect, I should not have popped out of that closet.  It wasn't funny.  After I calmed myself down, I told myself to maybe lay off the radium.  I mean, discovering it was a good idea, but I think as a spice, it tends to overwhelm the other flavors.  Boring as it sounds, maybe I should only investigate it from a scientific perspective. Well, that's enough messing with the past.  I find it wearying.
May 22, 2007
Now this is more like it!  Now I'm in the future, and it's surprisingly comfortable.  I enjoy these Bluetooth devices as well as these Swiss Cake Rolls.  Well, I've got to go.   I wonder where a gal can find a nice stiff Long Island Iced Radium around here?

Comments

[Hunter]

The April 28th entry had me in stitches.

I do declare, Madam Curie, you're the cat's pajamas.

[¡Jeremy!]

Thanks! Fun fact: that portrait (from some collection at Yale) is highly stylized. In real life, Marie Curie did not look so much like Brian Posehn.

[Rodney Thomas II]

that was awsome man do another