The Waiting Game
Well, Jayden, I have one thing to ask you . . .
Is this your card?
It is, isn't it? But how? How could a web page from the early 21st century know what card you chose? Is it magic? No, just brilliance and genius.
You see, in 2007 I wrote a "post" on this "web site" using "written English". I took the chance that despite current trends, people would still know how to read written English the way they can still listen to plainsong chants or worry about polio. You know, it's pointless, but you can do it. I put up this picture of your card, memorized the address, and waited for fifty years. Every day, I giggled to myself in secret, anticipating this moment.
But what about your name? Simplicity itself. In 2007, there weren't any adults named Jayden, but a lot of new babies were getting stuck with what was essentially a made-up name. In New York City, it was the tenth most popular boy's name, and was an up and coming girl's name, too! I figured that, come what may, New York would survive in some form, as either a prison camp or alien stronghold. That's why I eventually moved to New York, even if it meant committing a thought crime or collaborating with the space moths.
That's where I met you, Jayden. I'm sorry to say that our friendship, love affair, or working relationship has been a pretense. It could have been anyone with your name. I mean, maybe once I got to know you, things changed, but believe me, when I first met you, the only thing on my mind was this magic trick. But you gotta admit, I really had you going there.
What else? Oh, the first card I showed you, the one that was wrong? I knew that. That was showmanship. Building suspense. I bet you thought I just forgot how to do the trick, because by now I'm eighty.
But wait, how did I know you'd pick the nine of hearts? Well, remember when I pointed out the window at an interesting cloud? When you turned your head, I used a miniature teleporter to switch the card in your hand with the nine of hearts in my pocket. Today, in 2007, I started carrying the card everywhere I go, and started inventing teleportation technology. Maybe I'm rich now from it! But I didn't do it for the money. I did it to see the look on your face, which I'm sure will be priceless.
So now you know how it's done. It's really just a variation on Houdini's attempt to be reincarnated as a rabbit holding the four of clubs. For my first trick, I wanted to start simple and do something in this life. But Jayden, if you're reading this because your eerily intelligent rabbit knocked over a deck of cards and led you to this site, well, I guess I went with plan B. Please refill my water bottle.
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