Forever Stamps FAQ
Q: What is a "Forever Stamp" anyway? It sounds crazy!
A: Crazy like a fox made of savings, my friend. A Forever Stamp is simply a first class stamp, currently priced at 42 cents, which can be used to mail a one ounce letter at any point in the future.
Q: So, if postal rates go up, I can still use it without having to tack on some lame one cent stamp?
A: Yes, that's exactly right.
Q: So what if postal rates go down?
A: Don't worry, that won't happen.
Q: But hypothetically, if the price of stamps goes down to 41 cents again, do you send me a penny?
A: Yes! We put it in one of those weird cards grandmothers use to send change. You should have your penny within four to six weeks. However, once it arrives, we'll immediately raise the rate again.
Q: Wait, you'll raise the rate back to 42 cents? Really?
A: No, we're raising it to 43 cents, because we lost money on that last transaction. We need to recoup our losses. But don't worry, your Forever Stamp has now increased in value by two cents. That's nice, right?
Q: I guess so. This is complicated.
A: No, no, it's as simple as a mule made of savings. All you have to do is send us back the penny, because by raising the rate, we essentially gave you a free penny. You also have to include another penny, which is that 43rd cent. So just mail us two pennies in a granny card. Immediately.
Q: But that's my money!
A: No, your money is right there in the stamp. You can use it at any time. In fact, why don't you use that Forever Stamp to send us back our two cents? Then you can buy a new Forever Stamp at the low price of 43 cents. It'll pay off when we increase the rates, that is, if we increase rates. We might lower them instead.
Q: OK, hypothetically, here's your two cents. Your logic is impeccable, but I don't know, it seems like you're ripping me off ...
A: So long, sucker!
Q: What? What did you say?
Q: Are you there?
Q: Hello? U.S. Postal Service?
Q: Hello?
Fun links: A great investment? No, obviously not.
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