Let me stop you right there. This is not a “spike pit,” it is a pit which contains spikes. It’s a pit for spikes.
There’s a difference.
My hobby is collecting spikes, and I need a place to properly mount and show off my spikes. It’s like an album for stamps, as they say. You can see that I have many, many sharp spikes, so obviously I need a very big pit. It’s not a deadly trap, it’s a testament to the tranquil art of spike arranging.
Obviously, I’ve gone with a traditional configuration: very closely spaced, perpendicular to the walls and floor of the pit for maximum pointiness. I like to call it the “inverse hedgehog” or the “pokey hole.” But its beauty cannot be fully expressed in words. You’ll just have to see it for yourself.
The best way to view it is by attempting to jump over it. I should mention that’s a bit dangerous. And yet, well worth it, my friend. Well worth it.
My entire spike collection is not limited to the pit. Some of my best spikes are hidden in the walls and floors. They’ll pop out when you least expect them! Maybe I shouldn’t give away the surprise. Forget I said that. You see those little holes in the floor? Run over them real quickly. Who knows what’ll pop out? Flan? Yummy flan?
Spikes! I thought that I gave it away, but you still look surprised. Be more careful next time, those spikes almost killed you. They’re just for looks.
Now, you seem a bit exhausted, but check out the room’s centerpiece, my aforementioned pit for spikes. Just take a running jump and fly over, but not into it. Or, who am I to tell you how to experience these spikes? Everyone has their own aesthetic sensibilities. Fall into the pit if you must. Embrace the thing-in-itself nature of each spike. Where do you end, where does the spike begin? The answer may surprise you. Jump for it!
And I know you were pretty surprised by that big ol’ pendulum which just knocked you into the pit. I didn’t mention before that I also collect pendula. Pendulums? Pendula? What’s up with these Latinate endings, any – oh, you’re dead it seems.
OK, everyone else, stay with me, I want to show you the kitchen. It has an island! An island for lava!
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