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Hearsay, But I'll Allow It

I can't avoid mentioning this rumor for another second.  It's all over the gamy news sites.  It may have been debunked already.  I don't care.

This photo is a leaked scan of the upcoming issue of Famitsu, credited to JapaneseGIRL on Court-Records.net, the most comprehensive and entertaining Phoenix Wright/Apollo Justice fan site out there.  I believe the rumor (or let's say, as-yet-unsubstantiated fact) originates on this blog.  It is that Capcom, which has been teasing something like this for a while, will announce a new game called Gyakuten Kenji/Turnabout Prosecutor, starring Edgeworth and Gumshoe.

It's a third person point and click adventure for the DS, with crime scene investigation and prosecution and, as previously mentioned, starring Edgeworth.  (And Gumshoe!)  As the star, I can only assume that Edgeworth will be in this game a lot.  Third person means more Edgeworth on my little screens.  Point and click means I can make him run across the screen all day long.  Tap one part of the screen and he runs over there and investigates a little.  Tap another and he runs all the way back and starts prosecutin' up a storm!  Take that!  A whole game's worth of Edgeworth!

I don't often say "squee."  I feel it's unbecoming.  But, however,

squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Technorati Tags: Gyakuten Kenji, Turnabout Prosecutor, Edgeworth, Gumshoe, Court Records, rumors, hope, hope hope

 

Professor Betray-ton and the Curious Village of LIES

As the leading puzzle solver in the continental U.S., I wholeheartedly endorse Professor Layton and the Curious Village, the new puzzle/adventure game for the DS.  Sure, it's just a copy of Games magazine cleverly concealed in a whimsical Triplets of Belleville story, but I've played plenty of adventure games where the puzzles don't match the story.  Every Myst game, for example.  In Professor Layton, the villagers come right out and say, "Here's a puzzle I'm working on.  Solve it for me."  Each puzzle I solve for these little bastards gives me access to more, better puzzles, gets me further in the story, and earns Picarats.  (Picarats are points.)  They tell me that if I earn enough Picarats, something good will happen.  Ooh, I hope it's another puzzle!

Professor Layton has more story and humor than you'd expect, pretty much just enough to provide a sense of progression, but not enough to distract from the puzzles.  Did I mention that there are puzzles?  Of course, once I've beaten the game, I doubt I'll play many of the puzzles ever again, especially the ones which are simply riddles.  That's where the DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT comes in.  Every week, I connect to Nintendo Wi-Fi and download a new puzzle, free of charge!  It's very generous of them.  I haven't beaten the game yet, but I've been faithfully downloading puzzles every week.

Except that I haven't.  The puzzles are already on the cart.  I've been downloading a code that unlocks puzzles that I already own.  Which means that unless they start actually producing puzzles, there is a finite (although large) number of puzzles remaining.  Granted, the DLC is free of charge, so no one is screwing me out of money, but I feel like they're screwing me out of time.  Why can't I unlock the puzzles from within the game?  The fun part of downloading new content is not the actual download process.  I don't get off on watching the little progress bar fill up.  "Ooh, it's at 50%!  Look, now it's 90%!  I have more of it now!"

Damn it, Nintendo, can't you do anything right?  Anything Internet related, that is?  The stupid Wii codes, the crippled online mode in Smash Bros. Brawl, and now they've decided to ignore the C in DLC.  Or is that the puzzle, Nintendo?  If I'm clever enough to solve it, will you stop sucking ever so hard?  Do I need to multiply the Wii code by the Brawl code and divide by Professor Layton's hat size?  Then can I have more puzzles?  I just want my Picarats, you lying sons of bitches.  Don't look me in the eye and tell me you're giving them to me.  I have those ones already.  I need new Picarats.  I'll solve any puzzle you want, just let me earn more Picarats!  More!  More!  Something good will happen!

Technorati Tags: Professor Layton, Professor Layton and the Curious Village, DLC, downloadable content, Nintendo, Picarat withdrawal

Questionaut, Machinarium, Neologisms

Check out Questionaut, as reviewed here, for an easy educational quiz and a nice bite-sized bit of the old Amanita Design magic.  I've loved their stuff since Samorost, and now they're working on a full length adventure game called Machinarium.  Questionaut screen shown here, Machinarium below.  Lovely.  I can't wait.

Amanita's Jakub Dvorský discusses Machinarium a bit in this IndieGames interview.  In it he says he's "tired" of 3D realistic games, and has no plans to make a 3D adventure game.  Since his games appear to be designed with an eye towards art, then puzzles, then story, without any focus on "action," his attitude makes sense.  Adventure games don't do well with 3D realism.  At first glance, I thought that Machinarium picture was concept art, but in fact it's an actual screenshot.  The game will look just like that, like a hand-crafted work of art.  For that matter, it'll look like all the other Amanita games, because they've really nailed down a distinctive style.

Compare that to 3D worlds, which can look imaginative or naturalistic but almost never appear hand-crafted.  Most 3D games don't look like sculpture or art installations.  That would be pointless -- they would just be sub-par sculpture.  Real-life textures are always slightly better.  But a 2D game can look like and essentially be a drawing or painting, well-framed and full of subtle details.  Dvorský, animator Vaclav Blin, and the rest of Amanita Design manage to pull it off with every game they create, and as long as they're still crafting games, the 2D adventure will never die.  Also, painting and sculpture will probably limp along, too, for what it's worth.

Technorati Tags: Questionaut, Machinarium, Amanita Design, Jakub Dvorsky, Vaclav Blin, art, games, games as art, art as games

Zack and Wiki and Gobliiins

My new article on Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure is up on Gamers with Jobs, right here.  The short version is that it's delicious.  The game, I mean.  In the review (which is tangy and robust), I mention Gobliiins and The Lost Vikings, two old adventure games, which prompted Rabbit to suggest that I throw some Wikipedia links in there, because they're a bit obscure nowadays.  I wasn't sure whether to feel old or hopelessly out of touch, but then I thought, why not both?  Let's rattle on about the Gobliiins series.

Gobliiins was a 1991 puzzle game by the French studio Coktel Vision which was translated into English and distributed by Sierra.  There wasn't any dialogue to translate, but they changed the names of the characters from Oups, Ignatus and Asgard to Dwayne, Hooter and BoBo.  It's just a cultural thing; English speakers like their goblins named Dwayne.  Each goblin has one ability -- BoBo punches stuff, Hooter casts spells, and Dwayne can pick up and use items -- and you control all three together to solve puzzles.  LOTS of puzzles.  Lots of HARD puzzles.  Each level is only one screen, but that screen is packed with items and creatures and stuff, all of which needs to be manipulated in just the right way to achieve the main goal, which is usually just to exit the room.  Let's say twenty objects times three goblins, and everything needs to be done in a certain order, some actions are time dependent, and some actions kill you.  It's frustrating and unfair, but it's fun.  It's like life itself, but with three goblins.

(By the way, Zack and Wiki has a similar structure, but is much easier.  It's challenging, but never truly frustrating.  It's a very fair game.)

So how do you ramp up the challenge for a sequel?  Interestingly, Gobliins 2 dropped a goblin (and an "i") but gave them personalities which affect their actions, rather than an arbitrary task that only one goblin can perform.  The new goblins, Fingus and Winkle, can pick up objects and perform actions, but they choose different actions because one is smart but afraid of everything, and the other is a courageous moron.  It's even more difficult than the original, despite the streamlined goblin count.  I don't want to get all combinatorics on your ass, but there are more possible actions now, and the goblins are all like, "I'm too smart to listen to you," or, "Hurrrrr."  Again, like life itself, specifically high school.

Goblins Quest 3 (Quest?  Don't ask.) has only one goblin, Blount, but he's a werewolf.  Switch between goblin and wolf, wolf has his own personality, goblin can deputize other animals and make them sort of mini-characters, blah blah blah, puzzle induced migraine.  This game's so frustrating I have to wonder if opening the package was a test that I failed.  I honestly don't remember if I ever finished it.  I think I paused, left the computer, and moved to another town.  Looking back, though, the Gobliiins series always made me feel really good when I finally stumbled upon a solution.  Sadly, there's not much of a market for "impossible" games anymore.  It's 2007.  I should stop living in the past . . .

What's that?  Off in the distance?  Could it be?

Gobliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiins!

Technorati Tags: Goblins, Gobliiins, Coktel Vision, Sierra, Zack & Wiki, puzzles, puzzle games, love begins anew

Brutal Legend

That's the trailer for Brutal Legend, Tim Shafer's new game featuring the voices of Jack Black and Lemmy from Motorhead.  I've never seen a game that looks quite like that.  Of course, we all know the game itself won't look like that.  Current technology doesn't allow a playable game with that level of detail.  I've always found it odd that movie trailers show actual footage but game trailers show something that tries to convey the experience without boring stuff like the pause screen and the tutorial level where someone explains to you how to play the game you thought you were playing pretty well already.

With enough style (and I think the above trailer has enough style to shred and/or melt the face off the last twenty non-Valve trailers I've seen) you don't need these piddling gameplay details, but just once I'd like to see a trailer that consists solely of a bunch of Game Over screens, with the tagline:  That One Jump Is Too Hard.  Jump Misser, plummeting to a store near you, December 2007.

The teaser trailer makes haruspices of us all.  We kill it with our opinions and search for omens in its entrails.  In the trailer, the roadie goes from axe slashing to driving to flying around.  Those are clues, and the order may indicate the relative importance of each element in the actual game.  Then he sits on a throne surrounded by sexy groupies, which indicates that Tim Shafer wants lots of young men to buy the game, the way they didn't buy Psychonauts.  (But if you actually bought Psychonauts, congratulations!  Welcome to our overlooked but self-satisfied little club.  We meet every ninth Thursday on a dragonfly's eyelash.)

Technorati Tags: Brutal Legend, Tim Shafer, Psychonauts, spellcheck doesn't like "haruspices"

Portal Countdown

Wednesday night.  Midnight PST.  That's when they unlock the Orange Box.  That's when I start playing Portal.  Unless I get sleepy.  Which is likely.  So I might not play it until later.  Unless I'm sleepy again.  I should stop drinking warm cream.

My hopes for Portal, the time and space bending puzzle game, are that it will be tricky and fun, and that when I'm done, I can create my own little levels for it that will hurt other folks' brains.  Wired has a brief user's guide and this helpful diagram by Jason Lee.  I think that's a different Jason Lee, but it's more fun to picture the little mustache, isn't it?

Question:  Let's say I place one portal on the ceiling and I place the corresponding portal on the floor directly below it.  I drop an object, let's say my heart, into the floor portal, it comes out the ceiling, and falls right into the first portal again.  What happens to my heart?

Answer:  With sufficient momentum, my heart will go on forever.

Question:  No.  No more questions if you're going to be that way.

Technorati Tags: Portal, Orange Box, Jason Lee's stache of glory

Zak AND Wiki? Bonus!

Continuing the Wii theme, one game I'm looking forward to is Zak & Wiki: The Quest for Barbaros' Treasure.  I'm also looking forward to never typing that title again.  Let's just pretend it's an old Sierra adventure and call it Treasure Quest.  It's colorful and pretty, I like the whole Wind Waker kiddie pirate theme, and it's promoted as an adventure game, with maybe a little platforming.  The DS has had some decent adventure games which took advantage of the touch screen, and this game seems to go way beyond that in integrating the Wii's motion sensing technology.  I love games that give me new ways to solve puzzles, where figuring out how the game works is part of the puzzle itself. 

But this trailer, from the Tokyo Game Show, gets a little too enthusiastic about features that every Western adventure game has had since forever.  "It's up to you to decide which item to use!"  Really?  You mean the game doesn't play itself?  Guess I better put down that hoagie!  "The door needs a key!  Is there a key nearby?"  Well, there damn well better be.  It's poor puzzle design to put a locked door with no possible solution in your way.  Of course, the most boring way to get past a locked door is with a key, and in the real world, people don't lock doors and then leave the key outside but just barely out of reach of a short kid.  Hell of a security system there.  Keeps out 100% of lazy midgets.

And one last thought:  Do Japanese people applaud when they watch someone play a video game?  That's so sweet!  I want people to clap for me when I play.  Damn this uptight no-clap American society.

Technorati Tags: Zak and Wiki, The Quest for Barbaros' Treasure, adventure games, hooray you used an item!, you are my hero!

Debating "de Blob"

This video is longer than a 21st century attention span, so feel free to stop watching once you get the idea.

The upcoming De Blob (which supposedly has a lower case "d," but it's a video game, not e. e. cummings) combines the OCD-like goal of touching everything in the world with the anarchic method of splattering paint with every step.  Of course, when you see a rolling ball and an entire world that needs to be transformed, what's your first game reference?  Katamari Damacy, of course, such familiar words by now that I'm surprised my spell check noticed them.  I assume that's a good way to get a game made nowadays, compare it to Katamari.  If your game is about doing ketamine in a catamaran until you develop a caramel catarrh, that's probably close enough.  Just throw in some stealth action and bullet time.

Looks fun, especially jumping from wall to wall, but why does the character need to be a blob?  Just because it looks cool?  Can't a solid character do all that stuff in video game reality?  In Super Mario Sunshine, Mario flew around and wall jumped while spraying water which cleaned off the environment and restored color.  The blob barely changes form at all, which strikes me as a sad waste of, you know, gelatinousness.  Why can't it stretch out into a rope, or ooze under a door, or break into little pieces and then reform?  Even if that's not the point of the game, why isn't there a game like that?  You'll never see a critique like this anywhere else -- to summarize, I am complaining that this unreleased game disappoints me because another game that would be cooler does not exist.  Welcome to the way I think.

One game that comes close is Gish, a well-liked 2005 indie game.  It features an oily black blob who overcomes obstacles and defeats enemies through a realistic 2-D physics system.  Gish can make himself heavy, sticky, or extra slippery and easily compressed.  He can also hop a tiny bit, or more if he builds momentum.  You have to see it in action to see how frustrating but ultimately satisfying it is to solve all kinds of puzzles using the laws of physics and a ball of goo.  If it looks confusing, remember that he becomes sticky at will, and when he grits his teeth, he's making himself heavier.  This doesn't work in real life.

My ideal blob game (I spent much of last week thinking about this) is a combination of Gish and the 1989 NES game A Boy and His Blob.  In that one, you collect jellybeans which transform your pet blob (named Blobert) into different useful objects.  Feed him a licorice bean, and he becomes a ladder.  Vanilla = umbrella, cinnamon = blowtorch, and so on.  It's self-explanatory.  Here's a seven minute speed run, which shows that A Boy and His Blob is winnable, a proposition that was not definitively proven until 2003.  Damn, that game was hard.  While watching this video, the power of nostalgia caused an NES controller to appear in my hand and I immediately broke it.

So what have we learned from this exploration of blob games and embedded video?

1. Nothing.
2. Were we supposed to learn something?
3. Whoops!  My bad!

If you've gotten this far, I appreciate it and can only assume that you like blobs, too.  We're kindred souls!  If you have any questions or corrections about blobs, or if you just want to "blob rap," feel free to join in the conversation.  I can also write about non-blob topics on occasion.  I know a lot about politics and have many insightful and snarky political opinions and stuff.  An example: On this page, you can submit a question to Barney, George W. Bush's dog.  Actual White House staffers take time to reply, and some poor schmuck pretending to be Barney has to type "Woof!  Bark!  Aroo!"   Discuss:

1. As the questions go on, "Barney" becomes less and less coherent and begins laughing hysterically in all caps.
2. The last question answered was in November 2004.  What happened?
3. Miss Beazley, the female dog, has almost no web presence.
4. We know a dog can't answer mail.  They know we know.  Why keep up the pretense?
5. Is it perhaps a metaphor?
6. How great would it be if instead of some dumb Scottish Terriers, there were pet blobs oozing around the White House?
7. Whoops!  My bad!

Technorati Tags: blobs, de Blob, Gish, A Boy and His Blob, politics, more blobs

Game Fixer: Apollo Justice

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney told the story of Phoenix Wright, a rookie defense attorney who never gives up.  In Japan, his name is Naruhodo Ryuichi, and Naruhodo is a pun on "I see".  The English translators named him Phoenix, because in court he "rises from the ashes" when it looks like all hope is lost, and Wright because, I don't know, he fights for what's right?  His friends call him Nick and make puns on the name Wright.  The game has great characters, a crazy plot, fun mysteries, and exciting courtroom drama.  I can't praise it enough.

The second game, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney -- Justice for All, had both a colon and a hyphen, a stone cold guarantee of awesomeness.  I liked it almost as much as the first one, and there was a bit at the end that really got to me emotionally.  The third game, which hasn't been translated yet, will be called Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney -- Trials and Tribulations, and is the final chapter of Phoenix's life story.  But in Japan, the Ace Attorney series of games has already continued with a game about Phoenix's successor, Apollo Justice.

Yeah.  Apollo Justice.  Yuck.

Maybe I just got used to Phoenix Wright, but Apollo Justice sounds awkward and dumb.  I assume he likes justice?  And Apollo corresponds to the mythology guy?  Honestly, I don't remember anything Apollo did.  Americans know what a phoenix is, but I don't think they respond much to the name Apollo.  Let's try some alternatives:

Hercules Equality: Ace Attorney

Hermes Due Process

Ulysses F. Airness

Theseus P. "The Right Thing" ToDo

Procrustes Jurisprudence

(That actually almost means something so try the more subtle alternative: Crusty J. Prudence, Attorney at Law)

See?  That was just off the top of my head, and I don't even know the original Japanese name.  Also, I'm not very bright.  And, I've had a bit to drink.  So the sober, Japanese-knowing, non-idiot translators at Capcom should have no problem coming up with something even better.  Come on, folks!  Apollo Justice?  OBJECTION.

Technorati Tags: Apollo Justice, Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney, fixing games

Phone In Friday: Adventure Game Hints

Have you tried pressing the button?  Have you tried never pressing the button?

Did you notice one of the floorboards creaks when you walk over it?  Could there be something under there?  Or do you have chunky feet?

What could distract a guard dog?  Do you have an imaginary ball?

But that dragon is standing between you and your goal!  So maybe your goals are dumb.

Head west, and then west again, and then west again.  Now you've gone three screens in the wrong direction.  But look at you, Mr. Manifest Destiny!

Have you tried having pressed the button but having forgotten because it was a long time ago?

You don't have the key to this door.  The only keys in this game are Alicia Keys and piano keys, and you combine them to make "Fallin'" and "You Don't Know My Name."

You need to calm the angry leprechaun.  What do leprechauns like?  Gold?  You have no gold.  What else do leprechauns like?  When you stop kicking them.

If you click on the anvil, your character says, "I can't pick that up."  But if you click several times, really fast, he says, "I c-c-c-can't pick that up," which sound kind of like beat boxing.  So that's something.

Did you press or did you push the button?  Maybe it matters.

Did you remember to turn off the lights before you left the house?  If not, please reload a save, because every day is Earth Day.

The hard way through the sewer maze is to go down every path until you escape.  The easy way is to stay there and enjoy the low rent and free rats.

Are you sure you've searched every inch of the room?  What about all the other rooms?  Have you tried looking in a different game with a similar theme?  All other forms of entertainment?  Have you searched your own soul?

When you press the button, do you act like it's no big thing?  Maybe the button isn't sure you pressed it.

There's only one correct answer to the riddle.  In fact, there's only one correct answer to any riddle, which is "Fuck you, magical tree."

What happens in real life if you mix vinegar and baking soda?  Right!  So click the vinegar on the baking soda.  Kids, if you didn't know the real life answer, I hope you just asked someone.  If not, go clean up the kitchen.

You'll see a coin slot and a hose on the device.  What else takes spare change and blows?  Your mom!  Awww yeah -- I, the hint book, went there.

Look, you're just supposed to press the button.  If you pressed the button, you should be seeing the end credits by now.  If you're still asking for hints, then you got the only copy of this game in existence where the button thing doesn't work.  So here's a hint -- go buy a lottery ticket, because you are the most special person ever.

 

Technorati Tags: Friday, Phone in Friday, adventure games, hints

I Touched a Witch Last Night

And maybe, deep down, the witch touched me.  The witch in question was in the new DS game Doki Doki Majo Shinpan, just out in Japan.  You play a moody teenager instructed by an angel to touch various high school girls (and one boy) all over their bodies to determine if they are witches.  For some reason, the Internet people found this premise very compelling.  This Penny Arcade comic sums up the pre-launch hype and this NSFW and Not Cool if Kids Are Nearby trailer shows the game in action.

Thanks to some foreign hardware and shall we say, digital witchery, I played through the first chapter last night.  Actually, let's not say "digital witchery" until we absolutely have to.  Unfortunately, the whole game is in Japanese and I don't speak Japanese.  Fortunately, video games have their own internal logic and if you play enough of them you can muddle through.  It's also more or less an adventure game and I've played a jillion adventure games.  I simply poured coffee in the flowerpot, stole the gold key, searched the tool shed, and before you know it, I'm all up in a witch's grille.  If there's one thing Leisure Suit Larry taught me, it's that the key to a lady's heart is just a clever inventory item: maybe a pun on her name, or maybe an actual key.  Ladies like it when you solve their puzzles.  Ladies go wild when you combine inventory items.

Sadly, Doki Doki Majo Shinpan is a painfully linear, repetitive adventure game.  It's full of story bottlenecks where you trudge through every location over and over looking for the one place you can do or see something to progress the plot.  Every Japanese adventure game does this to some extent.  It's forgivable in Phoenix Wright (and to a lesser extent in Trace Memory and Hotel Dusk) because the investigation period helps flesh out the world in between dramatic courtroom battles, and you can work on more than one puzzle at a time.  But in most hentai games (technically, Majo Shinpan is an "eroge" game?  I don't speak pervert) the wandering is just to give the illusion of choice in a completely linear story.  You could cut all of it and the game would be simpler and more fun.  Some hentai games are essentially illustrated books where you press a button to turn the page, except that you have to turn the page after every damn sentence, and it's difficult to press the button because you're doing something else.

When compared to hentai, this game looks pretty tame.  It's rated 15 + in Japan, which seems about right.  There's no nudity, just a couple of skimpy outfits.  There's no sex.  I hear Japanese culture has a higher tolerance for "perverted humor" -- for example, the lunatic at the Hotti Clinic in Phoenix Wright: Justice for All had to be toned down by the translators because Western audiences would find him disturbing rather than funny.  Although I can't read the text, Majo Shinpan didn't disturb me, because I couldn't take it seriously.  If you wanted to find it sexy, your imagination will have to do all of the heavy lifting because it merely presents the building blocks of a sex fantasy.  The game's slogan is, "Touch! Catch! Witch!" and you could, if you want, assemble a fantasy with just those words.  You could get turned on by an ampersand if you tried.  It was once considered the 27th letter of the alphabet, but now it's all dirty and abbreviated.

Believe me, the actual witch touching is a letdown.  I had to run all over town assembling evidence about this cheerleader whom I already knew was totally a witch.  I had photographic evidence of her playing with cats -- classic witch move.  She appeared in two places at the same time -- very witchy.  But the thing that really set off my witch-dar is when she started throwing balls of pure energy at me.  I don't like to judge people, but come on.  So the touch test just felt gratuitous -- and frustrating!  You're supposed to raise the girl's heart rate ("doki doki" is an onomatopoeic heartbeat) by touching her in different random and non-intuitive locations.  The first girl required me to poke her pigtails, ears, hands, and legs, and that's all that ever worked, at any stage in the process.  To any 15 + year old kids playing this game: it doesn't work like that.  If all you do is poke her ear over and over, every girl becomes a witch.

Finally, let me reassure you that although I am a witch hunter of the highest caliber, I am no callous Inquisitor who self-righteously hurls a confessed witch on the pyre.  No, I believe that although this devilish practice must be exposed wherever it is found, we must hate the craft but love the witch.  Last night after subjecting a witch to the Infallible Test of Repeated Poking, I was presented with a moral choice, a menu if you will, with three moral choices.  I had no fucking clue what they were, of course, but I wisely and mercifully chose the topmost one, which resulted in my taking the witch out to an ice cream shop and sharing a sundae.  Do you hear me, Cotton Mather?  Did you even consider the ice cream sundae approach?   It's the top option.  I guess you clicked on the bottom button, which must have said Be a Gigantic Asshole.

 

Technorati Tags: Doki Doki Majo Shinpan, witches, witch touching, Nintendo DS, games, Phoenix Wright, Leisure Suit Larry, Cotton Mather