Silver Sprung
Silver Spring, MD is within the Beltway but outside the boundaries of D.C. proper. If you're talking to someone from another state, you can say you live in D.C., because otherwise all they hear is Maryland and they'll think you live in the Chesapeake Bay with the blue crabs and friendly seagulls braiding your hair. But to someone who actually lives in D.C., it doesn't count. Whole swaths of the District of Columbia don't actually count as D.C. This happens when you don't let people vote. Voting is like shitting -- it's just something you have to do once in a while or you start complaining that the adjacent neighborhood is illegitimate. Hm, that simile got a bit out of control.
Back to Silver Spring. A few years ago the downtown area was completely rebuilt with new roads, new stores, theaters, office buildings, and free WiFi. It doesn't look anything like the old downtown anymore. The Discovery Channel moved its headquarters there and during Shark Week a huge ferocious shark loomed over the town, sticking out of both sides of the building. Or it could have been a coincidence because I hear building-eating sharks are attracted to free WiFi. That's not even the weirdest change. Ellsworth Drive was closed to traffic and turned into some kind of high-tech Main Street with a fountain, a cobblestone street, and an open Astroturf field for events and picnics. It's like a movie set -- sort of cheerfully unreal. See, that's how you do a simile. The earlier one was like a piece of shit, because it was shitty.
Downtown Silver Spring is also crawling with hidden cameras and mall cops. A real estate developer called The Peterson Companies spent $300 million to renovate it along with $100 million put up by Montgomery County. I've heard that the downtown itself was actually sold to Peterson for $1, but that might not be true. It's a good story, though. It is true that although it looks like a public street, Peterson considers Ellsworth Drive private property. In June, Chip Py, a Silver Spring resident and amateur photographer, was taking pictures of the skyline, when a guard popped out of nowhere and told him photography is forbidden.
To make a long story short, DCist picked up the story, as did DC Metblogs, which organized a July 4 protest where photographers walked around Silver Spring taking photos in public. As far as I know, no one was arrested, which makes sense because it's not illegal and the uniformed guys in Silver Spring aren't really cops. It would be like the guy from the Village People arresting you for not dancing hard enough. (A decent simile, not too flashy, and something we've all experienced.) The response from Peterson Cos. (from Silver Spring Scene):
“We Welcome photography, videography and other filming at our Center. We permit all of these activities , as our patrons and tenants are neither harassed nor photographed or filmed over their objection. Also, any activity which would interfere with pedestrian or vehicular movement requires advance management approval. We continue to encourage patrons to report inappropriate behavior to police and security personnel. We reserve the right to modify this and other policies.”
Well, that seems fair. I like the bit at the end where they reserve the right to change their minds. That shows how open minded they are. I'm not sure how I feel about this story. On the one hand, based on their actions and public statements, these guys are a bunch of sneaky weaselsnakes. And even though I hate having my picture taken, I can't imagine that buildings get too upset about it, and some good photos have come from this movement. On the other hand, it looks like the county granted an easement on one half of Ellsworth Drive, which would give Peterson some legal authority to be rude and harass people in limited ways. And I dearly love easements. When I first started reading Anthony Trollope, I knew he was something special when easements came into the picture. It's like the land has rights. Property rights for property. Wicked cool.
An easement is like passing out in a field and waking up to find baby bunnies cooking you breakfast. One bunny squeezes fresh oranges into a cup while two work together pushing a wooden spoon around a big bowl of batter. Another cranks up a generator for the waffle iron. Soon you will have fresh dandelion waffles with carrot jam. While you wait, would you care for a relaxing alfalfa facial scrub? Yes. Yes, you would.
